Reminiscings over a cup of brewed coffee

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

KITCHEN (MIS) ADVENTURES (PART 2)

Most weekends, when I can't decide what to cook I usually settle for a popular Filipino comfort food. It's perfect for a rainy day, or even during days when you just want something hot, steaming and yet quite easy to prepare. It's actually a popular Filipino snack - the type of food that is usually served when visitors are coming or even on special holidays.

CHICKEN SOPAS

As I mentioned, cooking this food is quite easy and the variations are many - you may use the elbow type of pasta or the shell, or twirly kind. I use them all interchangeably, depending on whichever suits my fancy or whichever is available at the village minimart. In one of the photos posted here, I used the pasta which was given as pasalubong by an American relative of my house companion. [she's not considered a maid coz she's my brother's sister and she only cooks and accompanies my kids while we're in the office]. The pasta is actually the straight kind which looks a bit yellowish since it is actually part of a microwave dinner which we decided not to use.

Then, you may also use a variety of panahog - from the usual shredded and pre-boiled chicken, to chopped ham or hotdogs or even corned beef. In the photos below, I think I used shredded chicken and some bits of ham. After sauteing the chicken meat and ham in garlic and onions, add lots of water and drop the pasta shells. When the shells are cooked, usually around ten minutes after the water boils, you may add vegetables - usually shredded carrots and cabbage. Cook for a few minutes more, season with salt and pepper to taste and just before turning off the heat, you may add the milk. It can be evaporated, fresh or even skimmed milk as one friend told me but which I haven't really tried yet.

CHICKEN AND VEGGIES STIR-FRY

Here's another recipe which my kids and hubby liked and yet took only little preparation. I actually used the remaining shredded chicken from the sopas, sauteed it in butter and lots of garlic. Added a small pack of frozen veggie mix (the kind that can be bought in most supermarkets) with green peas, corn and carrots. Then you just add a half pack of cream of mushroom soup mix or any chinese soup mix that you dissolve in about one cup of water. And voila! a chicken and vegetable dish just like the ones you eat in some Chinese resto but without the cost and the hassle.

CHOCO CHIP COOKIES

This is another of my kids' favorites and one which I actually learned last year pa - since I remembered giving away choco chip cookies last year for Christmas. I almost always cook this on weekends since my kids would often request for something to munch on - while they're watching their favorite TV shows. My daughter even saves some for her baon on Mondays and to give to her teachers.

I have actually forgotten already where this recipe came from, I guess it came from one of the popular sites in the net - what's needed is to mix together dry ingredients - 2 c flour and/or oats, 1/2 tsp each of baking soda and powder plus a pinch of salt. Then, in a mixer beat butter, 1 c brown sugar, an egg and vanilla. Add in the dry ingredients and mix well. Add choco chips, nuts and/or raisins. Form dough into balls and place in cookie sheets 2 inches apart and bake for 15 minutes. Cool before serving or placing in airtight containers.

You must have noticed that I placed flour/oats in the recipe when the original actually called for just flour. This is still a carry-over of my 'Southbeach phase' when I tended to shun all flours, so now I realized I can't take it completely off my diet since I love baking and wheat flour costs so much so I just make do with half-and-half using oats in lieu of flour - truly a healthier alternative which my kids do not even notice.

Friday, October 05, 2007

A RAINY RENDEZVOUS IN BAGUIO

Baguio ... the city of pines... this is the place that forever will conjure up images of foggy mornings, long walks in flower-filled parks, ukay-ukay and cold nights in front of a warm fireplace. Ever since I was in high school, Baguio always held a certain magic for me... it was the place we always go to when we want to escape the blistering summer heat. When my cousin entered the PMA, it was not just summers anymore that we go there but even Christmases when he can't go down to Manila for a vacation because of some minor infraction...

By the time I was in college, my friends and I would even spend our semestral breaks there... (some instance we even told our parents it was a school seminar/workshop just so they'd allow us to go up once again). It even came to the point that I actually considered living and looking for employment there... but it turned out to be just one of the dreams I would not be able to pursue for some reason or another...

Then when I got married, I was only able to go back to Baguio twice - once with my Crame girlfriends and their families and the other with my husband's company outing which was actually just a swim trip to Pangasinan and got extended one more day to go up to Baguio... I still remember being eight months pregnant at that time and having with me only sundresses and sleeveless maternity clothes to wear to the beach so you could imagine the adjustment/ difficulty I had to go through just to spend one cold night in Baguio - but we relented just the same and went up on a whim!

So this time... when I learned that one of my research projects would be bringing me to Baguio I figured I ought to be prepared and bring my whole family with me so they, too, could enjoy the sights and climate that I have come to love ever since I was young. A week before the actual date I already called up possible hotels to stay in... I even searched blogs about Baguio and looked for threads discussing cheap hotels and places to visit.

I already settled on a particular hotel which many bloggers said was quite cheap and near Session Road so it's quite accessible but on the day before we will finally leave I decided to contact someone from my mom's 'old office' to ask if my favorite house in Baguio was available. Alas, she was unable to offer me their 'guesthouse' (since it was super short notice daw!) but she was able to refer me to a better alternative - a place that was really cheap at PhP100 per head per night and yet was very clean and accommodating... (check out the pics...) The room had three single beds which we pushed together to make a king-sized bed and a bathroom with hot water(that's a plus!). The ATF guest house is truly recommended for vacationers on a tight budget...

Outside the room there's a common living area with a television, a common dining area and kitchen where we could cook our meals... how's that for a super tipid holiday!!! So off we went that stormy Saturday morning... the weather bureau said there will be continuous rains but we did not let that small piece of news dampen our spirits as we gleefully hauled our stuff to the nearest Victory Bus station and waited a few minutes before the bus finally left at 1 pm.

After seven or more hours inside a bus, two stop-overs for snacks and toilet breaks in Tarlac and Pangasinan, we arrived in Baguio... surprisingly my 5-year old daughter did not feel bored at all even if she slept for only two hours the entire ride. She merely busied herself listening to the MP3, or watching TV and the torrential rains outside the window... yes, for once PAGASA was correct in its forecast although the rains dwindled a bit as we neared our destination. Still, it was drizzling when we finally reached the pension house and decided to go out for dinner coz it was too late to cook.

The next day, was a Sunday... and wonder of wonders! the sun was out shining!!! My daughter jumped for joy upon waking saying that her prayers have been answered and so after eating a quick breakfast and taking our baths, we all left to visit Mines View Park. The place looked the same, not much different from the last time we were here - the only thing missing were the kids begging for coins to drop over the edge of the mountain although I might say it's one good riddance since it was a dangerous place to beg anyway... And so after the picture taking at the different sites in Mines View (at the viewing deck, my daughter atop a white horse with pink mane, and surrounded by yellow sunflowers), eating corn on the cob and haggling with vendors to buy some leather wallets and silver trinkets... we left Mines View Park.

Next stop was the Mansion house... all those times when I visited Baguio (I've lost count!), I have never seen the inside of this house, we were only allowed to take pictures of the house from the outside and have our pics taken with the mansion in the background... maybe some time when my cousin who now guards the President (yes, he's the one we used to visit in PMA a few years back...) is in Baguio... maybe we can have a guided tour with him... but this time, we'll just pose in front of the house like most tourists do...

After eating strawberry-flavored taho, we walked down some more steps to Wright Park where the kids enjoyed a 30-minute horse ride... suffice it to say, the kids had fun riding a brown mare named Mandarin while my husband and I sat on a nearby bench taking videos and pictures. It was almost 11 when the kids finished their horse ride and so we decided to take our lunch first at Session Road (Greenwich since I forgot to blog search on cheap eats in Baguio). After eating, my husband and the kids left for a bike ride at Burnham Park while I headed off to the market to buy dinner and shop for pasalubong!!!

I bought the usual stuff - ube jam, peanut brittle, lengua de gato, and the usual veggies for salad, also brocolli and ground coffee. I also bought for myself some knitted blouses and would have wanted to vist my old ukay-ukay haunts but by that time, I was already lugging around so many bags that I decided to ignore the urge and stick to my (limited!) budget. When I finished shopping, it was raining once again so I guess the kids had to stop their bike ride, too, and find some place to seek cover from the rains.

We decided to go back home and sleep the afternoon away since the rains still hasn't stopped by then. By the time we got home though, I nor the kids couldn't really sleep so I just prepared the salad to chill in the freezer while the kids went outside to play in the playground near the house (coz the rains also stopped by then) After the dinner preparations, my husband and I decided to take the kids out again since we won't be doing much indoors anyway... we walked down Navy Base road to the Botanical garden where we walked in the park amidst pretty flowers and had pictures taken of new gigantic statues of Igorots. There were also new Igorot houses... or maybe they were already there before but I just did not notice...

After that we went back to Burnham to continue the kids' disrupted bike ride... while they were busy biking, I visited the orchidarium and marveled at the beautiful flowers there. I wanted to buy some flowers but I held back since I have had previous experience with buying plants and flowers from Baguio before which just wilted and dried up after being exposed to the humidity and heat of Manila. Besides we didn't have a car this time so it would be difficult for me commuting for seven hours with flowers on my lap... so I did the next best thing and took pictures instead.

While I was busy engrossed in the orchidarium, it started to rain once again so we had no choice but to go back to the house and spend the rest of the night there. While the chicken adobo was simmering, I paid a short visit to the caretaker of the 'guesthouse' I used to frequent as a teener and gave her a little something to show my appreciation for accommodating my request at such short notice. Our chat was cut short since it was almost dinnertime and I haven't finished cooking our food. I just told her I'd be back to visit her longer the next time I'm in town.

After eating a hearty dinner of vegetable salad and chicken adobo, we rested awhile in the room. I read up a bit and revised some of the questions I would be asking for the interview scheduled tomorrow and then decided to curl up with a good book. It was still to early to sleep so I went out to the common living room and watched TV with the hubby and the kids... after all, we went to Baguio to bond as a family so I might as well spend time with them. It's good that we had the place to ourselves since most of the vacationers who occupied the rooms beside ours left this afternoon for Manila. Even if we were quite noisy as we watched and ate some chips, it was OK since we were not disturbing anyone...

The next day after cooking breakfast for them, I took my youngest daughter with me for the scheduled interview at BCYA near Session Road. It started at around 10 and we were finished in about one hour so we were able to go back to the ATF by 11:30. We ate a quick lunch of Baguio longganisa, sinangag and the remaining salad from last night so that by 12:30, we were on our way to the bus station.

It was just too bad that just before we left was when we decided to venture upstairs and discovered that the entire third floor was a function room equipped for a seminar and one that had a fireplace!!!! We should have seen it last night so that we were able to curl up before a warm fire and exchange scary stories in the dark... like we did when we were young.... well, maybe next time when we get back... coz we surely will go back. My kids truly loved going to Baguio and we all hoped that the next time, we'll be able to borrow a vehicle so we could visit more places that the kids were unable to go to like Camp John Hay and the PMA. Who knows... maybe that next time will come soon enough, and we don't have to wait for another research project to come along...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

NAPOLI'S PIZZA

This isn't really a review... I do not claim to be a food critic - I guess I just want to post photos of what we ate last week when my office mates and I hied off one afternoon to escape from abominable persons in authority and just let off steam. I guess after a week of waiting ... (for nothing!!!) my co-workers and I decided to just go off and eat at this really cool pizza place which is just a short distance from our workplace.

It was a Friday, anyway... and a payday so even if there wasn't really an occasion to celebrate we figured we had enough reason to brood--- in fact, we have been depressed the entire week!!! (or to put it more accurately - an entire year!) So in the end we decided to just stop hoping (for it!) and just celebrate the fact that we can still find a reason to laugh about it and forget (that the promise was ever made) ... that way we won't be so depressed if it doesn't come true (diba???)

The resto was highly recommended - the food even more so - check out the pizza and spaghetti meatballs we had. The pizza we ordered was quite huge and there was just four of us! We even ordered spicy chicken wings and spaghetti so by the time the pizza arrived, I was already quite full... but I still tried the two flavors we had - coz you can split the pizza in half and have two different flavors served at the same time. All I can say was that it was great! The service was great... and the staff was kind enough to take our picture...

Here's hoping we'd be able to go back to this place soon ... and maybe next time we'd really have a reason to celebrate...

Friday, August 10, 2007

MY KITCHEN (MIS) ADVENTURES (PART 1)

I do not consider myself to be a good cook - but I know how to work my way around the kitchen. Since I entered college, I have learned to cook for my siblings since my mom isn't always there to cook for us. Her job responsibilities included frequent travels to different places all over the country and abroad so we are mostly left to fend for ourselves. Then, when she and my dad separated, she still comes to visit once a week to cook up a storm and we are left with a week's supply of food which we just reheat come dinnertime. But during moments when our supply runs out, I remember poring over recipe books and following the procedures step by step until I am able to whip up something that my younger sisters and brother find palatable (well, their plates end up clean...unless, of course they feed it to the dogs when I am not looking)

But I could never be like the cooks I see on tv coz no matter how hard I try, I simply can't seem to memorize the ingredients needed for a dish. Unlike my mom, a typical Kapampangan who can cook without measuring ingredients - I always seem to need a recipe on hand, to make sure I'm doing things right. And what's more, there are even cases when even if I follow the recipe, I still do not manage to cook the same dish and have it turn out the same way.

Which is why, this year I have made it a personal vow to not cook the same dish twice lest my family discover that I am not really a whiz in the kitchen but merely a pretender!!! (ha,ha,ha) No, what I really want is to document a little what I have been doing so that I will know where I went wrong and what went right... Further, I intend to learn more secrets from cooking experts which is why I have started surfing the net more frequently just to find some recipes to cook for my ever-demanding kids.

This is partly the reason why I discovered blogging - once while I was searching for recipes I stumbled on Sassy's pinoy food blog and then I started browsing other blogsites and the rest is history... Thus, I owe a debt of gratitude to Ms. Connie Veneracion since it is through her that I am able to discover so many recipes to try and they all come with a step by step guide to make it easier for us kitchen newbies to follow. In addition, it is also through Connie that I discovered the joy of blogging which in turn inspired me to create my own blog. Though mine is not dedicated to cooking (unlike hers!) I still want to post some of my (mis) adventures in the kitchen.

But mind you, I will not be posting recipes here ... maybe I'll just refer you to where I got them. Instead, I will just be putting in some pictures of what I did and descriptions of how I did it... maybe a few tips on what not to do, especially if my meal turned out a disaster... (he,he,he)

So, here's a glimpse of my first kitchen adventure....

TUNA HASH BROWNS

Last year, when I embarked on the Southbeach diet I learned that potatoes are not really good for the body since it has more starch/carbo than the sweet potato. But I love fries and mashed potatoes so when I stopped doing the Southbeach diet... (coz it was a bit too strict for me!) I returned to eating potatoes with a vengeance but I decided to lessen the carb content of what I was eating so I always put half and half of the potato/sweet potato even if the recipe called for potatoes. That way, I will not be sacrificing flavor since the end product will still taste and feel like potatoes and I guess the carb content will also be reduced considerably. (just a guess though, no scientific basis for this yet...)

I saw this recipe in a newspaper, and it seemed quite easy for me since it will not require much cooking - all that is needed is about 3 cups of grated potatoes (in my case I used 1 1/2 cups each of potato and sweet potato or camote), a can of tuna, a pack of tomato sauce, eggs, salt and pepper to taste. You just mix them all together, transfer to a heat-proof or baking dish, top with grated cheese and bake for about 20 - 30 minutes, or until the top turns golden.

Well, I wasn't sure if the finished product was what the recipe actually intended it to be but mine looked like some form of lasagna. My original concept of a hash brown were the flat pancake-like pieces that McDonald's sells during breakfast but mine didn't turn out that way. I guess it was because the hash brown was fried instead of baked so it looked more a lasagna/baked mac to me... nonetheless, my kids and hubby loved it... I guess that's what matters most to me!

BANANA MUFFINS

This is another recipe I got from the newspaper... I just couldn't remember where??? It's the usual recipe for a muffin - You need to mix all the dry ingredients first - flour, sugar, baking powder and soda, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg. Make a well in the center where you will slowly add the wet ingredients - oil, milk an egg and vanilla. Then you add 2-3 pcs mashed bananas. Stir everything with a wooden spoon and transfer to muffin cups up to 2/3 full and bake in the oven for 18-22 minutes.

Well, the recipe turned out fine and the kids loved the muffins... the sad part though was that the batch I made only filled 1 muffin pan and a small loaf pan so my plans to reserve some for my kids baon went unfulfilled since they all gobbled up the muffin for snacks, while the hubby and me ate some with our afternoon coffee... just perfect!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Today is my youngest child's first day of school... real school that is.... you see, last year we entered her into some sort of playschool for the summer and I do not really know for sure if it's the effect of it being still summer and not really time for school or maybe she was just too young at the time that after only two weeks, she just quit and announced to everyone that she doesn't want to go to school anymore. I guess this was aggravated by her complaint that the teacher wasn't at all fun and merely made her copy some letters on the blackboard. Maybe it was the teacher's fault since she should have kept lessons light and fun for the kids; it being summer and all ... well, I'm just glad that the summer class was free!

In a way, I was a teensy bit worried that she may end up hating school and all her future teachers!!! But with all the excitement that I see in her as the first day of school approaches, I figured maybe there's a chance she'd just might enjoy school yet!!!

Funny how time flies so fast huh... and how one never realize how it does until moments like these come along. For me, seeing my little baby go to school suddenly reminded me of the first time I saw her... all pink and fuzzy as she quietly slept ... and how I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful child ... and the next moment she's learning to walk ... now she's going to school ... next, she'll be bringing home boyfriends ... oh, dear...

It is during these moments that I wish there was some way to slow down my kid's growth process ... kids grow up so fast these days that every time I look, I'm surprised at the changes I see in her --- often when I get home from work she'd come running waving to me a new drawing she's made or how she was able write her own name by herself (well, nickname to be more precise!) But I guess that's just how moms are ---everything she does has not ceased to amaze me...

It is also during moments like this that I envy stay-at-home moms and wish that I had more time to watch her grow and learn new things... how I wish I was there when she took her first step, uttered her first word, wrote her first letter ... I also wished I was there to hold her hand as she walks to school today - but I can't... work beckons and it must be heeded lest our budget fall short for the month if I went even an hour late... ah, the pitfalls of an 8-5 working mom...

I could rant some more but I guess there's really nothing I can do about it... I should count myself lucky that my daughter is being cared for by my husband's sister so I know she's in good hands even if I'm not by her side... but still.... I hate not being there for her... and not seeing her grow up with each passing day

And so I must content myself with stories of how she spent her day... I just hope she never gets tired of telling me how her day at school went --- how bad she felt if some classmate teased her ... or how good it felt to be the first to finish a seat work in class... now... I can't wait to get home...

Monday, June 11, 2007

LAST SUMMER GETAWAY FOR 2007

This past weekend, we spent our last chance at a vacation for the summer with my dad and his second wife ... and her children by her first marriage ... sounds complicated??? well, maybe I'll explain the relationship in a future blog --- if and when I find the courage to write about it...

Well, back to the weekend ... when my step-mom informed us a week ago that a trip was planned to Nasugbu, Batangas for the upcoming Independence Day weekend, the kids and I truly looked forward to a refreshing respite from the hustle and bustle of work. Plus I relish the thought of having a last chance to relax before the kids start their classes and I'd be once again forced to wake up early each morning to prepare breakfast, uniforms and baon... oh well...

The place we went to was not really a resort that pampered its guests with gastronomic delights and Swedish massages... (wish ko lang!!!) It was actually a family friend's house and she was generous enough to lend it to us for the weekend while they're away somewhere out of the country (lucky them!!!) ... but the food was still good and quite enough to be a dieter's nightmare (with the BBQ pork and chicken, rellenong bangus, embutido, dinuguan, and of course, lechon!!!) Just too bad I was unable to take pictures coz I was quite busy eating ~!!!

But more than the food and the company (of course!) I guess what really made me excited to go back there (coz we were there last December 2006) was the house which was prettily situated atop a rocky hill. The place was literally a dream vacation house... and had furnishings quite fit for a beach villa in the Caribbean that my daughter said she felt like a princess when sleeping under a canopied bed...

In fact, the entire atmosphere of the house was one of relaxation and rightly so since it is situated near the beach where you can't do anything but relax and just do nothing for the rest of the day... and that's just what we did the entire the weekend - the airy kitchen and dining area was quite conducive to eating so we all gained a few pounds after only two days of non-stop chomping (but we're blaming it on the ambiance of the place!)... the sala was equipped with a DVD where my half-siblings (certified DVD freaks!) spent their time just watching movies and some upcoming series while munching on chips. The kids' favorite part of the house was the game room with a junior billiard table which they enjoyed til past midnight... while me, my husband, sister, and cousin spent the night playing scrabble and trivial pursuit (we didn't really know how to play it so we just guessed at the rules)

Too bad though coz our neighbors had guests so we were unable to take a dip into their infinity pool (like last year!) well, we just took a dip in the beach --- even if it was rocky and left much to be desired, the water was clear and the area where we swam was teeming with corals and small fishes... which the kids truly enjoyed! Except for Kaye since she still has this fear of the water and only relents going in up to her knees...

Then, when the weather gets too hot we all retreat into the last bedroom of the house's lower floor (since it's the only one that has air conditioning) and spend the day doing what we do best - eating and chatting about 'people-we-don't-really-care-about' and eating and talking about our past vacations and then more eating and laughing at the antics of 'people-we-don't-like' and at some old pictures of relatives that we saw in our dad's camera.

All in all, it was a relaxing getaway for it gave us (my siblings, half-siblings and cousins) a chance to get-together once again and reminisce about old times and past vacations we had while we were still young (coz we do this quite often... the places change but the faces remain the same...)

We missed the other cousins though - one who's still in Norway, the other recently assigned to fulfill soldier duty in Samar, the other stuck in duty guarding the little chief across the river, the others suffering in cold weather in Russia and Canada... but then maybe we'll be able to see them again sometime soon...

Truly a perfect end to this year's summer season...

Friday, June 01, 2007

THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH

Tomorrow will be my seventh year anniversary... I'm supposed to be happy... because we have hurdled through seven wonderful years and for most of the time we've had a happy and fulfilled marriage...but!?!.... these past few days there has been something at the back of my mind that has been bugging me...

Maybe I am just being paranoid?!? ... or is it the female intuition at work here...??? these past few months I have been getting mixed signals and witnessed some tell-tale signs but I have never really found any concrete evidence to let me know for sure...

Recently, too some office mates of ours have been caught inflagrante by their wives committing acts of infidelity --- their union looked perfectly fine to me ... until the indiscretion was discovered and all hell broke loose ... well, they're still together but you can see that the partnership is simply not as good as before...

Maybe it is partly the reason why I have started to doubt my own marriage.... and considering the phase we are currently in right now... we're right smack into that seven year mark - that stage when they say men find it difficult to turn away from temptations... which is why I suddenly found myself wondering... WHY do men cheat?

- Why do they need to look at every sexy female form that comes along even if they already have a perfectly looking partner beside them??? (not necessarily me...)

- Why do they need to flirt around with every 'available' (read: CHEAP) female - from that dimwitted sales-girl to that b%*#@ of an office mate???

... is it really the male machismo at work here that keeps men eternally dissatisfied with what they have???

... or is the wife also to blame - maybe she wasn't able to give him the attention he craves for or was negligent of the way she looks ...???

... or is the other person also to blame ... why hit on a married male when you can have your pick of all available males around...?

But I guess the better question to ask should be... Why can I not trust him fully??? Is it because I have already been bitten not just once but many times over so I have vowed to keep my heart guarded... Is it because I have witnessed a person I love waste the best years of her life in silence while holding on to a marriage for the sake of her kids... or is it because I too have been a victim of a love gone awry just because some girl in a short skirt passed by...

I guess there may be some truth to the seven-year itch theory ...that stage when a relationship suffers its severest test since both partners feel a certain restlessness that may lead one ...or both of them astray... I guess maybe he's just suffering from that so-called 'itch' and she came at just the right moment to scratch his itch away...

But knowing all that doesn't make it all better... how long do I have to suffer in silence??? how long do I have to squint and squirm every time a text message appears on his cellphone??? how long before I go crazy imagining him to be out with another girl every time I call him up and he's not at his desk!!!

I'm at a loss at the next step to take...do I confront him with my suspicions (unfounded...yes but I can't really shake the sense of knowing that something is amiss!!!) but what if he doesn't fess up and comes clean...

Or do I confront the "girl"?!? Well, I'm not really sure if she's IT! All I really see is the way she always seems to send him this come-hither looks and wear those outrageously plunging necklines... or maybe she's just like that with all the boys she meets and comes in contact with...? I've tried being friendly with her even if at the back of my mind all I ever want to do was scratch her eyes out... but she seems to taunt me all the more... with feigned innocence (of course!)

Some blogs I have read on infidelity and betrayal described the seemingly endless cycle of pain and having their perfect worlds crash around them ... most of them detailed the harrowing experience they went through discovering their husband had another woman (and at times even sired kids out of wedlock!!!) and yet in the end they still forgave their husbands... But at times, I just wonder... is it really worth it??? Is it okay to hold on to something which may not really be there??? Maybe it would just be better to let the other person go...?

Well, I am not really saying that this would be the course I would take... if and when I get to this point in my marriage (which I hope would not happen in this lifetime!!!)... neither am I condemning the actions of those who stayed put and held on to their man even if it meant swallowing their pride and clashing head-on with the other 'female contender' (read: BI%#@!) Who knows I may end up doing worst than that...

I guess I don't really know what I myself would do when confronted with such a situation... I guess what I really want is for the pain to go away... to stop this guessing game and all this uncertainty... I dread the day when my husband would stop just looking (ogling would be the correct term!) at perfect female forms and take the next step.... I wish I would never have to undergo the experience of discovering that my husband has an affair... I wish we'd both be able to get through this 'seven-year itch' phase unscathed and still remain in-love with and faithful to each other...