THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH

Tomorrow will be my seventh year anniversary... I'm supposed to be happy... because we have hurdled through seven wonderful years and for most of the time we've had a happy and fulfilled marriage...but!?!.... these past few days there has been something at the back of my mind that has been bugging me...

Maybe I am just being paranoid?!? ... or is it the female intuition at work here...??? these past few months I have been getting mixed signals and witnessed some tell-tale signs but I have never really found any concrete evidence to let me know for sure...

Recently, too some office mates of ours have been caught inflagrante by their wives committing acts of infidelity --- their union looked perfectly fine to me ... until the indiscretion was discovered and all hell broke loose ... well, they're still together but you can see that the partnership is simply not as good as before...

Maybe it is partly the reason why I have started to doubt my own marriage.... and considering the phase we are currently in right now... we're right smack into that seven year mark - that stage when they say men find it difficult to turn away from temptations... which is why I suddenly found myself wondering... WHY do men cheat?

- Why do they need to look at every sexy female form that comes along even if they already have a perfectly looking partner beside them??? (not necessarily me...)

- Why do they need to flirt around with every 'available' (read: CHEAP) female - from that dimwitted sales-girl to that b%*#@ of an office mate???

... is it really the male machismo at work here that keeps men eternally dissatisfied with what they have???

... or is the wife also to blame - maybe she wasn't able to give him the attention he craves for or was negligent of the way she looks ...???

... or is the other person also to blame ... why hit on a married male when you can have your pick of all available males around...?

But I guess the better question to ask should be... Why can I not trust him fully??? Is it because I have already been bitten not just once but many times over so I have vowed to keep my heart guarded... Is it because I have witnessed a person I love waste the best years of her life in silence while holding on to a marriage for the sake of her kids... or is it because I too have been a victim of a love gone awry just because some girl in a short skirt passed by...

I guess there may be some truth to the seven-year itch theory ...that stage when a relationship suffers its severest test since both partners feel a certain restlessness that may lead one ...or both of them astray... I guess maybe he's just suffering from that so-called 'itch' and she came at just the right moment to scratch his itch away...

But knowing all that doesn't make it all better... how long do I have to suffer in silence??? how long do I have to squint and squirm every time a text message appears on his cellphone??? how long before I go crazy imagining him to be out with another girl every time I call him up and he's not at his desk!!!

I'm at a loss at the next step to take...do I confront him with my suspicions (unfounded...yes but I can't really shake the sense of knowing that something is amiss!!!) but what if he doesn't fess up and comes clean...

Or do I confront the "girl"?!? Well, I'm not really sure if she's IT! All I really see is the way she always seems to send him this come-hither looks and wear those outrageously plunging necklines... or maybe she's just like that with all the boys she meets and comes in contact with...? I've tried being friendly with her even if at the back of my mind all I ever want to do was scratch her eyes out... but she seems to taunt me all the more... with feigned innocence (of course!)

Some blogs I have read on infidelity and betrayal described the seemingly endless cycle of pain and having their perfect worlds crash around them ... most of them detailed the harrowing experience they went through discovering their husband had another woman (and at times even sired kids out of wedlock!!!) and yet in the end they still forgave their husbands... But at times, I just wonder... is it really worth it??? Is it okay to hold on to something which may not really be there??? Maybe it would just be better to let the other person go...?

Well, I am not really saying that this would be the course I would take... if and when I get to this point in my marriage (which I hope would not happen in this lifetime!!!)... neither am I condemning the actions of those who stayed put and held on to their man even if it meant swallowing their pride and clashing head-on with the other 'female contender' (read: BI%#@!) Who knows I may end up doing worst than that...

I guess I don't really know what I myself would do when confronted with such a situation... I guess what I really want is for the pain to go away... to stop this guessing game and all this uncertainty... I dread the day when my husband would stop just looking (ogling would be the correct term!) at perfect female forms and take the next step.... I wish I would never have to undergo the experience of discovering that my husband has an affair... I wish we'd both be able to get through this 'seven-year itch' phase unscathed and still remain in-love with and faithful to each other...