A DAY TO HONOR THE DEAD

Every year, Filipinos set aside the first few days of November to pay their respects to their departed loved ones. During this time of the year, many take the opportunity to go home to the province and be with their families for some sort of reunion at the cemeteries. Others, however, opt to go on vacation to take advantage of the long holiday break. When I was younger and lived with my parents, we usually go to the Holy Cross cemetery to visit my mom’s mother and father. But we never really go with the crowd since my dad hates the traffic and so we usually end up going there the Sunday before Nov 1 or the Sunday after. We bring our mats, some food (usually rice and adobo), snacks, drinks, some playthings to keep us occupied (like cards or Frisbees) and spend the entire afternoon there (like a picnic). I liked the solitude and peace we enjoyed then since we were almost always the only people there. I remember going once to Holy Cross at exactly Nov. 1 and we had to walk about a kilometer or so because cars weren’t allowed to enter the compound. But it was fun, too, seeing all those people there and meeting up with relatives who also come and visit.

But that seemed a long time ago … when I got married and lived with my husband I was introduced to the way they spent their time for their dead but at a public cemetery this time. There were no large trees nor soft green grass where we could spread our mats to have a picnic or take our afternoon naps – just hard concrete tombs and a sea of people that seemingly just never ends. Admittedly it was a big adjustment for me since I have been used to the peace and quiet of Holy Cross. And so instead of going there in the morning or afternoon, we opted to go at night time where there are less people and we can still savor the peace and quiet that I so crave. Besides, it is hot and humid in the afternoons even though their place is covered and had a roof. It was also quite fascinating to see a multitude of candles lit up on top of different shapes and sizes of tombs.

But whatever the method that we choose to honor the dead what matters is that we do whatever means possible to remember them - with candles, with flowers, with lots of food and love for those relatives still living and get to meet only during these times of commemoration…