FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Today is my youngest child's first day of school... real school that is.... you see, last year we entered her into some sort of playschool for the summer and I do not really know for sure if it's the effect of it being still summer and not really time for school or maybe she was just too young at the time that after only two weeks, she just quit and announced to everyone that she doesn't want to go to school anymore. I guess this was aggravated by her complaint that the teacher wasn't at all fun and merely made her copy some letters on the blackboard. Maybe it was the teacher's fault since she should have kept lessons light and fun for the kids; it being summer and all ... well, I'm just glad that the summer class was free!

In a way, I was a teensy bit worried that she may end up hating school and all her future teachers!!! But with all the excitement that I see in her as the first day of school approaches, I figured maybe there's a chance she'd just might enjoy school yet!!!

Funny how time flies so fast huh... and how one never realize how it does until moments like these come along. For me, seeing my little baby go to school suddenly reminded me of the first time I saw her... all pink and fuzzy as she quietly slept ... and how I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful child ... and the next moment she's learning to walk ... now she's going to school ... next, she'll be bringing home boyfriends ... oh, dear...

It is during these moments that I wish there was some way to slow down my kid's growth process ... kids grow up so fast these days that every time I look, I'm surprised at the changes I see in her --- often when I get home from work she'd come running waving to me a new drawing she's made or how she was able write her own name by herself (well, nickname to be more precise!) But I guess that's just how moms are ---everything she does has not ceased to amaze me...

It is also during moments like this that I envy stay-at-home moms and wish that I had more time to watch her grow and learn new things... how I wish I was there when she took her first step, uttered her first word, wrote her first letter ... I also wished I was there to hold her hand as she walks to school today - but I can't... work beckons and it must be heeded lest our budget fall short for the month if I went even an hour late... ah, the pitfalls of an 8-5 working mom...

I could rant some more but I guess there's really nothing I can do about it... I should count myself lucky that my daughter is being cared for by my husband's sister so I know she's in good hands even if I'm not by her side... but still.... I hate not being there for her... and not seeing her grow up with each passing day

And so I must content myself with stories of how she spent her day... I just hope she never gets tired of telling me how her day at school went --- how bad she felt if some classmate teased her ... or how good it felt to be the first to finish a seat work in class... now... I can't wait to get home...

LAST SUMMER GETAWAY FOR 2007

This past weekend, we spent our last chance at a vacation for the summer with my dad and his second wife ... and her children by her first marriage ... sounds complicated??? well, maybe I'll explain the relationship in a future blog --- if and when I find the courage to write about it...









Well, back to the weekend ... when my step-mom informed us a week ago that a trip was planned to Nasugbu, Batangas for the upcoming Independence Day weekend, the kids and I truly looked forward to a refreshing respite from the hustle and bustle of work. Plus I relish the thought of having a last chance to relax before the kids start their classes and I'd be once again forced to wake up early each morning to prepare breakfast, uniforms and baon... oh well...








The place we went to was not really a resort that pampered its guests with gastronomic delights and Swedish massages... (wish ko lang!!!) It was actually a family friend's house and she was generous enough to lend it to us for the weekend while they're away somewhere out of the country (lucky them!!!) ... but the food was still good and quite enough to be a dieter's nightmare (with the BBQ pork and chicken, rellenong bangus, embutido, dinuguan, and of course, lechon!!!) Just too bad I was unable to take pictures coz I was quite busy eating ~!!!





But more than the food and the company (of course!) I guess what really made me excited to go back there (coz we were there last December 2006) was the house which was prettily situated atop a rocky hill. The place was literally a dream vacation house... and had furnishings quite fit for a beach villa in the Caribbean that my daughter said she felt like a princess when sleeping under a canopied bed...














In fact, the entire atmosphere of the house was one of relaxation and rightly so since it is situated near the beach where you can't do anything but relax and just do nothing for the rest of the day... and that's just what we did the entire the weekend - the airy kitchen and dining area was quite conducive to eating so we all gained a few pounds after only two days of non-stop chomping (but we're blaming it on the ambiance of the place!)... the sala was equipped with a DVD where my half-siblings (certified DVD freaks!) spent their time just watching movies and some upcoming series while munching on chips. The kids' favorite part of the house was the game room with a junior billiard table which they enjoyed til past midnight... while me, my husband, sister, and cousin spent the night playing scrabble and trivial pursuit (we didn't really know how to play it so we just guessed at the rules)











Too bad though coz our neighbors had guests so we were unable to take a dip into their infinity pool (like last year!) well, we just took a dip in the beach --- even if it was rocky and left much to be desired, the water was clear and the area where we swam was teeming with corals and small fishes... which the kids truly enjoyed! Except for Kaye since she still has this fear of the water and only relents going in up to her knees...












Then, when the weather gets too hot we all retreat into the last bedroom of the house's lower floor (since it's the only one that has air conditioning) and spend the day doing what we do best - eating and chatting about 'people-we-don't-really-care-about' and eating and talking about our past vacations and then more eating and laughing at the antics of 'people-we-don't-like' and at some old pictures of relatives that we saw in our dad's camera.

All in all, it was a relaxing getaway for it gave us (my siblings, half-siblings and cousins) a chance to get-together once again and reminisce about old times and past vacations we had while we were still young (coz we do this quite often... the places change but the faces remain the same...)

We missed the other cousins though - one who's still in Norway, the other recently assigned to fulfill soldier duty in Samar, the other stuck in duty guarding the little chief across the river, the others suffering in cold weather in Russia and Canada... but then maybe we'll be able to see them again sometime soon...

Truly a perfect end to this year's summer season...

THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH

Tomorrow will be my seventh year anniversary... I'm supposed to be happy... because we have hurdled through seven wonderful years and for most of the time we've had a happy and fulfilled marriage...but!?!.... these past few days there has been something at the back of my mind that has been bugging me...

Maybe I am just being paranoid?!? ... or is it the female intuition at work here...??? these past few months I have been getting mixed signals and witnessed some tell-tale signs but I have never really found any concrete evidence to let me know for sure...

Recently, too some office mates of ours have been caught inflagrante by their wives committing acts of infidelity --- their union looked perfectly fine to me ... until the indiscretion was discovered and all hell broke loose ... well, they're still together but you can see that the partnership is simply not as good as before...

Maybe it is partly the reason why I have started to doubt my own marriage.... and considering the phase we are currently in right now... we're right smack into that seven year mark - that stage when they say men find it difficult to turn away from temptations... which is why I suddenly found myself wondering... WHY do men cheat?

- Why do they need to look at every sexy female form that comes along even if they already have a perfectly looking partner beside them??? (not necessarily me...)

- Why do they need to flirt around with every 'available' (read: CHEAP) female - from that dimwitted sales-girl to that b%*#@ of an office mate???

... is it really the male machismo at work here that keeps men eternally dissatisfied with what they have???

... or is the wife also to blame - maybe she wasn't able to give him the attention he craves for or was negligent of the way she looks ...???

... or is the other person also to blame ... why hit on a married male when you can have your pick of all available males around...?

But I guess the better question to ask should be... Why can I not trust him fully??? Is it because I have already been bitten not just once but many times over so I have vowed to keep my heart guarded... Is it because I have witnessed a person I love waste the best years of her life in silence while holding on to a marriage for the sake of her kids... or is it because I too have been a victim of a love gone awry just because some girl in a short skirt passed by...

I guess there may be some truth to the seven-year itch theory ...that stage when a relationship suffers its severest test since both partners feel a certain restlessness that may lead one ...or both of them astray... I guess maybe he's just suffering from that so-called 'itch' and she came at just the right moment to scratch his itch away...

But knowing all that doesn't make it all better... how long do I have to suffer in silence??? how long do I have to squint and squirm every time a text message appears on his cellphone??? how long before I go crazy imagining him to be out with another girl every time I call him up and he's not at his desk!!!

I'm at a loss at the next step to take...do I confront him with my suspicions (unfounded...yes but I can't really shake the sense of knowing that something is amiss!!!) but what if he doesn't fess up and comes clean...

Or do I confront the "girl"?!? Well, I'm not really sure if she's IT! All I really see is the way she always seems to send him this come-hither looks and wear those outrageously plunging necklines... or maybe she's just like that with all the boys she meets and comes in contact with...? I've tried being friendly with her even if at the back of my mind all I ever want to do was scratch her eyes out... but she seems to taunt me all the more... with feigned innocence (of course!)

Some blogs I have read on infidelity and betrayal described the seemingly endless cycle of pain and having their perfect worlds crash around them ... most of them detailed the harrowing experience they went through discovering their husband had another woman (and at times even sired kids out of wedlock!!!) and yet in the end they still forgave their husbands... But at times, I just wonder... is it really worth it??? Is it okay to hold on to something which may not really be there??? Maybe it would just be better to let the other person go...?

Well, I am not really saying that this would be the course I would take... if and when I get to this point in my marriage (which I hope would not happen in this lifetime!!!)... neither am I condemning the actions of those who stayed put and held on to their man even if it meant swallowing their pride and clashing head-on with the other 'female contender' (read: BI%#@!) Who knows I may end up doing worst than that...

I guess I don't really know what I myself would do when confronted with such a situation... I guess what I really want is for the pain to go away... to stop this guessing game and all this uncertainty... I dread the day when my husband would stop just looking (ogling would be the correct term!) at perfect female forms and take the next step.... I wish I would never have to undergo the experience of discovering that my husband has an affair... I wish we'd both be able to get through this 'seven-year itch' phase unscathed and still remain in-love with and faithful to each other...